My Child Is Struggling at School — Where Do I Even Start?

Start with what you're actually seeing

You don't need a diagnosis or a professional report before you're allowed to be concerned.

Start by noticing what's happening.

Is your child struggling with reading, writing or maths? Are they finding friendships difficult? Are they overwhelmed by noise or busy classrooms? Are they becoming increasingly anxious about school? Are they managing at school but melting down afterwards?

Try to think about patterns, rather than individual bad days.

Start writing them down.

Nothing fancy. Dates, what happened, what your child said, anything school told you and anything that seems to make things better or worse.

You can use our FREE EBSA & Attendance Tracker to record attendance, worries and patterns. No signup or payment is needed.

This can become incredibly useful later.

Talk to school

You don't have to wait until things reach crisis point.

Depending on the school and your child's age, you might start with their class teacher, form tutor, head of year or the school's SENCO — the Special Educational Needs Coordinator.

Explain what you're seeing and ask what they're seeing too.

“Do you have any concerns about my child's learning, wellbeing or ability to access school?”

And don't panic if school says:

“We don't see that here.”

Children can behave very differently in different environments. What happens at home is still important information.

Ask what support is already happening

This is where conversations can sometimes get frustratingly vague.

“We're keeping an eye on them.”

“They're getting a bit of extra help.”

“We'll see how they go.”

It's reasonable to ask for something more concrete.

• What support are they receiving?
• How often?
• What is it supposed to help with?
• Who is responsible for it?
• When will it be reviewed?
• How will we know whether it's working?

You don't need to become confrontational. You just need clarity.

You don't necessarily need a diagnosis before support can start

Parents can sometimes feel they're stuck waiting for an assessment before anything can happen.

But a child's needs exist whether or not somebody has formally given those needs a name yet.

Schools in England have responsibilities toward pupils with special educational needs, and support should be based on the child's identified needs rather than simply waiting for a diagnosis.

That doesn't mean every requested intervention will automatically be provided, or that diagnosis is never useful.

It means “we're waiting for an assessment” doesn't have to mean “we do nothing in the meantime.”

Learn one SEND phrase: Assess, Plan, Do, Review

You absolutely do not need to learn all the SEND terminology.

But this one is worth knowing.

For children receiving SEN Support, schools in England use what's often called the graduated approach:

1. 1 / ASSESSunderstand your child's needs.
2. 2 / PLANagree what support will be put in place.
3. 3 / DOput that support into practice.
4. 4 / REVIEWlook at whether it's actually helping.

Then the cycle continues.

If you've been hearing “let's wait and see” for months, it's reasonable to ask:

“What are we currently trying, and when are we reviewing whether it's working?”

Start keeping everything together

This is the boring bit that your future self may be extremely grateful you did.

Keep copies of things like school emails, meeting notes, reports, assessments, attendance information, behaviour records and details of support that's been tried.

If you would find a template helpful, the optional Communication Log gives you a place to record conversations, meeting notes, decisions and follow-up actions.

Also keep your own notes.

If your child couldn't attend school that morning, write it down.

If homework resulted in a two-hour meltdown, write it down.

If your child tells you something important about school, make a quick note of what they said.

You're not building a court case against the school.

You're building a clear picture of your child's needs over time.

What if the support isn't enough?

Sometimes relatively small changes make a huge difference.

Sometimes a child needs increasing levels of support.

And sometimes parents reach the point where they begin hearing about something called an Education, Health and Care Plan — or EHCP.

You don't need to decide today whether your child needs one.

For now, understand that an EHCP is one part of the SEND system — it isn't the starting point for every child who is struggling.

If you eventually reach that stage, you'll be in a much stronger position because you've already been documenting what's happening, what support has been tried and what difference it has made.

If you want to explore that stage later, read our guide to applying for an EHCP and our EHCP evidence guide. Our EOTAS guide explains another option that can come up in conversations about education outside school.

Most importantly: you don't have to figure everything out at once

When your child is struggling, it's incredibly easy to disappear down an internet rabbit hole.

One search leads to another.

Suddenly you've got 14 browser tabs open, three Facebook groups telling you different things and a list of acronyms you didn't know existed yesterday.

Come back to the beginning.

• What am I seeing?
• What is my child telling me?
• What is school seeing?
• What support is currently in place?
• Is it helping?
• What happens next?

That's enough to start.